S1-004 The New Guardians of the Golden Moralexy
The New Guardians of the Golden Moralexy is the fourth episode of Season One of Queens of Adventure. In it, the queens meet the owner of the Golden Palace and book a new gig. Synopsis The sun sets over the Golden Palace, where the queens of Booty and the Hofish are meeting in the penthouse with the boss of the resort: a woman in a porcelain mask. Nearby is Harlotte's ex, Ramshackle. The last time she saw him, she sold his wife cold damaging cold cream. Now the boss reaches up to the mask and takes it off, revealing... a normal face. Belfry observes they've been through a lot, noting the lingering evidence of the battle they were just in. She greets them all by name, including Harlotte's fake name Methuselah Beelzebubina before she talks about the Golden Palace Loyalty Program: A reward program for high rollers, adapted for the current situation. When the seaspawn attack began, there were some days of disorder. To help keep everyone safe, they use the Loyalty Program, which by battling at the beach the queens have reached Level One of. She offers them a chance to get more points by helping boost morale around the casino. It's been low since their previous performers were dragged off to be turned into clown fish. Belfry will take them off seaspawn duty and have them put on a show. She instructs them to ask the influencers around the casino what they want in a show, and get them to attend. As they consult the list, Harlotte wonders why Ranger Richard isn't on the list. Belfry says he must be one of the island's other inhabitants from over the ridge. They have 24 hours. In the elevator the queens ponder how Belfry survived the cold damage cream. They exit into the casino and proceed to the theater, which looks to house 150 people. An elderly human male is sitting on the stage wearing a black suit with a flowing scarf and wide brimmed hat. Fraya notices there is no ghost light. Arson casts dancing lights and makes her own soundtrack to make an entrance. The man is delighted already with his new performers, as the last ones were lacking. He reaches out his hand and Harlotte deftly kisses his hand to steal a ring. The man introduces himself as Augustus Crimweath, claiming he taught the great Charismo Collins, and Tootsy the Clown (who he couldn't make much out of), and danced with all the great troops. He suggests they interview the influencers to find out what their diverse tastes are to figure out a show, then they can write copy and plan the show after. To start, they ask him what he wants. His response: A tribute to feet. Realizing how poorly they all still look after their battle, the queens head for the spa. The same elf who helped them the night before, Carmella La Mer, greets them. The queens ask her what would help lift her spirits in a show. She wants to feel young again and reminisces about her time on a field hockey team in her youth and the goth rock she used to listen to. Carmella wouldn't also mind getting some rejuvenating mud from the far side of the island. She is thrilled to hear the queens are putting on a show, as she was not impressed with Augustus's previous shows, and disliked Tootsy. Butylene wonders if there are things Jim-Jim likes, and she says he loves the smell of leather. The group presses on to the buffet, where Jim-Jim is surprised to see them. They try to be friendly, especially Butylene. He is still a little nervous. Harlotte asks what he thinks is lacking in the morale of the place, which pleases Jim-Jim. The half-elf admits he misses his sir, Sir Throbardon, an aarakocra, who went missing during the big storm, and would love to have lots of leather in the show. Throbardon was close to giving Jim-Jim his first leathers. Hearing this, Butylene gives him her leather belt. The half-elf says he will treasure it forever. Down at the armory, Lamont Du Pont IV trades nicknames with Harlotte. Arson asks him about his interests for a show. He says he hasn't ever been into shows, but what tickles his fancy is the perfect mint julep with a drop of sunshine, chilled to perfection, and the green of a goblin's buttocks, with Gelatinous Turkey brand bourbon. With one of those, he'd be happy to attend any shows. He also admits to loving banjo music. Heading up to the main floor of the casino, the performers head to the chapel. It is a small room with an altar featuring a figure, whom Butylene recognizes as the deity Rhianna Heffington. A wheel is mounted to the wall. A woman in a long slit gown with ball gloves and a cigarette greets them. She is the keeper of the luck shrine, Sister Baccarat who asks them to incorporate a Wheel of Chance into their show. Harlotte remembers suddenly to tell her teammates about seeing the Pomeranian recently, which she has named Kali Ma. The group admires the Sister's style and jewelry. She says she won them on the table, which prompts her to remember that her cleric senses have told her that someone has been cheating. The sister asks them to investigate. She also offers them some costume pieces, and asks them to pick one of the three doors behind her. Fraya opens one, revealing tons of feathers and boas. As it is now past 9 at night, the group decides to head to the bar, mostly wooden with a bit of a nautical theme to it. A man with a braided beard welcomes them. While they talk to him, Arson slowly drops into the splits while she asks if they have Gelatinous Turkey. While he turns to check, Harlotte asks them to distract him as she tries to hide, but fails. He turns back and explains he usually works nearby at the Three Fingers Inn, but came here a week ago when it flooded, and they likely have the bourbon they want there. If they go, he also asks them to find his lucky tankard. Arson asks him about what he would want in a show. He replies that he likes working behind the bar and loves a sea shanty. They hire him, who says his name is Liir, to work the bar at the show tomorrow before ordering some drinks. Returning to the suite via the elevators, they find Patrick and Karin. Karin talks about how she wanted to do some adventure outings while Patrick hoped to get some reading done. They arrived before the monster attacks. They had been coming here for years. Patrick mentions he thought he saw a Kracken through his telescope the night of the storm. The only way he knows of to kill one is an army, and says Krackens usually have Kracken Priests who can do spells, much like seaspawn. Fraya tells Butylene about her merfolk encounter, to consider making an army from. Butylene reluctantly tells about the imps she met. Fraya asks what kind of show they would want to see. Patrick likes educational programs. He also finds a recipe for a mint julep for Butylene, and suggests how to meet the mystical properties. The alchemist also notices some alchemical recipes in one of the books. Karin muses on how much she loves explosions. Musically, Patrick likes the triangle, while Karin wants pure moods style music. The queens go over many of the items they were asked to incorporate, and feel a little overwhelmed but decide they can handle it. The group heads to their rooms. We revisit all of the npcs briefly throughout the casino, including Belfry. She reads a story to young girl in her bed. She tells Ramshackle it is alright he is happy to see 'her', and considers how lucky it is they reached the island safely, and how lucky it is for the two of them. Characters Party * Arson Nicki - drow warlock * Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist * Fraya Love - water genasi cleric * Harlotte O'Scara - human rogue NPCs * Ramshackle * Belfry * Augustus Crimweath (debut) * Carmella La Mer * Jim-Jim * Lamont Du Pont IV * Sister Baccarat * Liir * Karin and Patrick * Jo Ramshackle (debut) Episode Notes Lore * A ghost light is kept on a stage, lit whenever the house lights are off. It is bad luck to not have a ghost light in a theater. * Krackens cannot create undead on their own, and usually have Kracken Priest servants to assist them. The only known way to kill a Kracken is with an army. Memorable Quotes * "We smell like a table in the crab pot restaurant on the waterfront. Minus the corn." - Butylene O'Kipple * "You have 24 hours." - "For hair, and a look, and morale improvement?" - Belfry and Harlotte O'Scara * "Where's the ghost light? I don't trust a theater without a ghost light." - Fraya Love * "Bring your own soundtrack." - Arson Nicki * "Were the scarves being pulled out of the right mouth or the left mouth, and if so what colors?" - Arson Nicki * "Yeah my manicure is fucked because of those crabs." - Butylene O'Kipple * "That was practically iambic" - "I don't think that's a thing." - Harlotte O'Scara and Carmella La Mer * "It's been a bit of a bummer fighting giant man eating crabs everyday. But its been great for the buffet." - Jim-Jim * "Is there any hand-sanitizer in the area? Because I might put my plate down." - Butylene O'Kipple * "Excuse me? I am the downloader of youtube tracks at my shows! I feel aggressively attacked right now." - Harlotte O'Scara References * Rejuvinique * Carol Channing's infamous corn quote. * Lauren Bacall's High Point coffee commercials "My favorite time of day is night." * The Craft * Disney's Robin Hood - Robin stealing Prince John's rings. * Livejournal * CoCo Peru's "it burns" monologue * Soylent Green * "Hello Dolly" * Eagle - gay bar franchise * Guardians of the Galaxy * Rhianna * Sailor Moon * Hotel California * Animaniacs - Wheel of Morality * Victoria's Secret * Youtube Please Welcome to the Stage * Liturgic Couture Name That Tune * Purse First - Bob the Drag Queen Behind the Queens * This episode was sponsored by Magic Mirror Comics in Mill Creek Town Center * This episode continues the jokes about the queens being hired for a gig and asking instantly for compensation, including drink tickets. * The theater manager mentions Charismo Collins, a player character from the Extra Life dnd game Matt Baume live streamed in 2017, which was later released as Bonus Episode 7: The Lost Treasure of the Neverglades. Charismo also made a cameo as a judge in The Tip of the Tops. Category:Episodes Category:Season One